


Us Against the World

by Annie46fic



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Abused Jared, Alternate Universe, Learning Disabilities, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-07
Updated: 2013-08-07
Packaged: 2017-12-22 15:29:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/914877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie46fic/pseuds/Annie46fic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the age of 10, Jensen had a car accident that changed his life forever. Now at the age of 30 he is trying to branch out on his own for the first time.<br/>Jared is abused and mistreated by his widowed father. Friendless and alone, he meets Jensen when the older man moves into one of his father’s apartments. Can Jensen and Jared change their lives? Together they have a chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Us Against the World

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on my LJ and LJ comms in 2008. 
> 
> It is based – very loosely – on a film that I saw over thirty years ago (yeah – I am that old) when I was but a child!! It's about two people who had to fight the system to be together but made it and made a life together. I hope that I wrote this sensitively and didn’t offend. 
> 
> Please be aware this story involves sex between two fully consenting males who have mild learning disabilities, if this offends please don't read.

Jensen carries his boxes carefully, his pot plant balanced precariously on the top. His glasses slip off his nose but he doesn’t have any hands to push them back up again and he bites his lip, worrying it between his teeth. He doesn’t want to drop anything or make an idiot of himself because if he does he will fail miserably and then he’ll be sent home and he doesn’t want that. He wants to make it on his own, prove to everyone that he can. He knows he can. He is thirty years old and he can.

***

Jensen’s parents worry; he knows they do. They have cared for him for so long that they don’t think he is capable is doing it on his own. They fought with him for a long time about moving in here but Jensen needed to get away, he needed to get away from his old bedroom with the old-fashioned wallpaper and the moth eaten teddy on his pillow. He is a big boy now, big, strong, and able. He will make it on his own, even though he knows, deep in his heart, that they are waiting, just waiting for him to fail.

***

Jensen doesn’t see well. He wears big black glasses with thick lenses and he hates them. Behind them, his eyes are green and long lashed, _'like a girls'_ , his momma says. Jensen has freckles across his nose and goes red in the sun. He likes reading although it takes him a long time to read a book and he doesn’t speak much, preferring being quiet to stammering and stumbling over his words, feeling like an idiot.

***

Jensen knows that his brain doesn’t work as well as it should. He knows that the car that hit him when he was only ten did that to him, and he knows that it made his momma cry. He hates to see his momma cry, hates it and he knows that she is so disappointed in him. He knows he was bright until the car hit him but now he isn’t bright anymore. He wishes he could go back in time and change things but he can’t and all he can do is make it this time and at least do something to make his momma smile again.

***

School said he wouldn’t ever amount to much. He would never graduate or go to college. They wanted him to go into special education but he refused to go. He stayed at home with his momma and his daddy. His daddy taught him to read, took him to the library and got out books for him. His daddy taught him simple sums and how to boil an egg. His daddy taught him to swim and to ride a bike with three wheels.

His momma got him a job when he was eighteen waiting tables in her friend’s diner. He likes it, it’s nice and he doesn’t mind the work, it isn’t hard and he doesn’t have to speak to anyone if he doesn’t want to.

He doesn’t get much money but it is enough. He has been saving it for years, saving it for this moment, this sudden and wild burst of independence. He didn’t think he would get an apartment, didn’t think that he would get his own space, something that was his and his alone. He feels proud as if he has achieved something wonderful and he tightens his arms around his boxes and moves on.

***

Jared dips the mop into the bucket and begins to clean. The stairs are grimy with coffee stains and mud smeared across the, once white, surface. Jared’s legs ache and his back is getting sore but if he doesn’t finish the cleaning today, then there will be hell to pay and he still has bruises from the last time he didn’t do the job that his dad asked him to.

The sun is shining and he wants to be outside. He can see someone walking a Jack Russell dog in the distance and he wishes he had a dog to look after. He loves animals but his dad wouldn’t let him have one. His mom would have, but she was gone now and Jared missed her so much it hurt through to his bones.

Jared missed a lot of school when his mom died and he isn’t the sharpest crayon in the box. He should be glad that his dad owns this apartment block, that his dad gives him jobs to do to keep him on his toes. He wishes that he had some money of his own so that he didn’t have to keep asking his dad for things. His dad never says yes to much. Jared’s clothes are from a thrift store and they don’t fit. He is 6ft 5 inches tall now, long legs and arms, hard to control and he feels awkward and clumsy. His jeans brush against the top of his socks and his shirt keeps riding up and showing his belly. He feels stupid, the marks on his skin only just beginning to fade to brown.

***

Jared hears the crash and he stops mopping, frowning as he tries to work out where the sound came from. He hears a curse and a moan and he drops the mop, sprinting up the stairs in the direction of the sound.

The man is on his knees; there is a smashed pot plant on the stairs, dirt and grime spilling over his newly cleaned floor. Jared’s stomach rolls as he sees the mess and he can feel the weight of his dad’s belt on his ass already. He wants to scream but then he sees the guys face, sees the heavy glasses that have fallen off his nose, sees the tear that is trickling down a freckled cheek and he drops onto his haunches, picks up the books that have fallen out of the boxes and hands them to the man.

“T-thanks,” the man’s voice is soft and stuttering as if his tongue is too big for his mouth. “I…my plant…it’s ruined.”

“No, we’ll sort it.” Jared sweeps the earth back into the broken pot. “We’ll find something to re-pot it in.”

“Really?” The man smiles, hesitant and sweet and Jared feels his cheeks flush. “I-I wanted this all to be so perfect…and…and, I’ve spoiled it.”

“No real harm done.” Jared picks up the boxes easily and tucks them under his arm. “What apartment number are you in? I’ll help you carry these up, okay? Then you won’t be in danger of dropping them again.”

The man pushes his glasses back up onto his nose and wipes a hand across his cheek. Jared feels his stomach clench a little and hands a tissue to the man, looking away so as not to embarrass him as he rubs at his wet face.

The man is the new resident of apartment 66 and Jared waits patiently as he fumbles with his keys and lets himself in.

All the apartments look the same. They are small, compact and painted a fresh white. The carpets are brown and the fitted kitchen has green cupboards and black and white tiles. Jared thinks they are basic but homey and he stands by the window, placing the boxes on the floor and staring out at the park, watching the children playing with dogs in the twilight.

“Thanks.” The man smiles again and Jared nods. He has to get back to the cleaning, back to his job. His dad will be back in less than two hours and the stairs need mopping again. He stretches his back and moves slowly to the door, watching as the man begins to unpack.

“I’ll come back tomorrow,” Jared says. “I'll bring you a new pot for the plant.”

The man doesn’t speak but he smiles wider, his expression lost behind the heavy lenses of his glasses. Jared’s own grin spreads, childish dimples denting his cheeks, long fingers tangling through his hair as he brushes it off his face.

***

Jensen takes out the notebook he has carried with him from his home. He opens it onto the first page, clean and blank, ready and waiting to be written on.

He holds the pen carefully, writes slowly, the letters wobbly and big and all over the place.

 _Today_ , he writes. _I made a friend._

He is sure his momma would be proud.

****

Jared tells his dad that the money is for a new mop head. He knows that if his dad finds out he has lied that he will take his belt to Jared’s ass with no hesitation.

Jared promised and Jared doesn’t go back on a promise.

He buys the plant pot from the local thrift store. It is red with bright yellow spots and Jared thinks it looks like some exotic ladybird. He pays the lady behind the counter and puts the pot in a paper bag. He stares at the jeans on the rail and sighs. He wishes they did them in his size because his are getting shorter and tighter and he feels embarrassed.

***

The guy opens the door looking stunned, eyes wide behind those big glasses. He stares at Jared for a moment as if he has forgotten who he is, then he smiles, wide and innocent and Jared feels warmth flood through his body making him feel happy for the first time in a long time.

***

“M-m-my name is Jensen.” Jensen puts the coffee pot on the stove being really careful. He has two mugs and he spoons plenty of sugar into both of them. The tall guy with the long chestnut hair watches him with a slight smile on his face, dimples making him look like a little boy. He points to himself with a long finger.

“Jared,” he says, in his deep voice that sounds like a cowboy from a movie Jensen once watched. “I work here.”

“Y-yeah.” Jensen pours the coffee into the mugs and adds cream. He hands one to Jared who takes it slowly and blows into it before taking a sip. “I saw you mopping – it must take a long time.”

“Too long sometimes, and it makes my back ache.” Jared sips at his drink and smiles, licking his lips. “This is good coffee, Jensen.”

“I work in a diner,” Jensen says, a little proud, and Jared nods again.

“Awesome,” he says.

***

Jared helps Jensen re-pot his plant, getting his fingers all brown and earthy. The plant looks magnificent in the red and yellow spotted pot and Jensen doesn’t seem to be able to stop looking at it. Jared rubs his hands on his jeans and sighs.

“I have to get back to work,” he says. “My dad comes to check on me at lunchtime and he gets angry if I haven’t finished my chores.”

Jensen nods. There is a strip of blue under Jared’s eye and a long red scratch down his cheek. Jensen doesn’t know what this means but he knows it isn’t anything good.

“M-maybe when you have finished f-for the day you would like to come and have dinner with me – as a thank you for the pot. I can cook eggs – my daddy taught me.”

“Eggs sound good,” Jared says with a grin and Jensen feels a strange tingle in his chest. He wants to write all this down and he needs to do it soon. He watches as Jared finishes his coffee and puts the mug on the sink for washing.

“I’ll see you later then,” Jared, says as he leaves the apartment and Jensen just blushes, waving as Jared disappears into the distance.

***

Jared’s dad notices that the mop head isn’t new. Jared kinda hoped he wouldn’t, but he isn’t stupid, even when he is drunk, and he stares at Jared with cold, blue eyes, his hands on his belt.

Jared bends over the stairwell, hoping no one will see. He feels stupid tears welling in his eyes and he grips the rail with his hands, watching, as his knuckles turn white. His dad makes a funny sound, halfway between a growl and a snarl and then he brings his belt down on Jared’s ass, the buckle making it sting even harder than it should.

 

Jared is thankful. His dad never makes him take his jeans down in public places and so the smacks don’t hurt as much as normal. They make his eyes water though and afterwards he can barely bend to pick up the mop, knowing that his dad will expect him to finish anyway.

“Don’t think I am feeding you tonight – you ungrateful, lying, useless piece of shit!” His dad puts his belt back through the loops. “You want money again, you are gonna have to earn it. Tomorrow you can get started on the garden and you can clean every single fucking part of the block.” He stomps down the stairs without a backward glance and Jared watches him.

He doesn’t need dinner, he figures; cos Jensen is gonna, make him eggs.

***

Jensen isn’t the brightest of people but even he can see that Jared is sitting funny. The younger man fidgets on the couch, something he didn’t do earlier, his face pale and his eyes bright with something that Jensen doesn’t recognize or understand.

“Are the c-cushions . . . are they okay?” Jensen drops the egg into the boiling water and adds a little salt. He has two eggcups and bread that he has sliced and buttered all on his own. His eggcup is blue and he has given Jared the red one, to remind him of the plant pot.

“No – nothing wrong with your couch,” Jared sounds funny. “Just – my – it hurts, that’s all.”

“W-what hurts?”

“My – my ass,” Jared says and rubs his face. Jensen turns down the stove and moves over to Jared, kneeling down in front of him, pushing his glasses up onto his nose so that he can see Jared better.

Jared is nice to look at. He has slanting eyes – like a tomcat that Jensen once fed – and a wide, smiling mouth. His hair is long, down to his collar and is the color of chocolate. Jensen wonders, strangely, what it would feel like under his fingers and he feels his cheeks sting. He reaches out and touches Jared’s hand, quick and gentle, then he withdraws and sits back on his haunches, staring at Jared.

“Why does your ass hurt?” He says it all without stammering and Jared swallows.

“My dad hit me.” There, it is out in the open now and Jared’s face goes red. “He always hits me when he is mad at me and he always seems to be mad at me. He thinks I’m useless.”

“Y-you aren’t useless, Jared.” Jensen wants to touch Jared again, but he thinks better of it. His momma tells him that to touch people is forward and rude and he knows she is always right. Jared stares down at him, eyes shadowed by his long bangs.

“I’m hungry,” he says, softly and Jensen gets up and carries on cooking his eggs.

***

That night, Jensen writes in his book, it takes him a long time but when he is finished he is proud and happy, sure he has done the right thing.

 _Jared is hurt_ , he scrawls. _but I am going to make him better again – I want to see Jared smile._

That night, Jensen dreams of eggs, lemonade, and Jared.

****

Jensen holds the jeans up against his legs and nods contentedly.

They will fit Jared, he is sure of it. They are way too long for him and Jared is very tall so the jeans will fit Jared and they are really nice jeans too. These jeans don’t have holes in them, weren’t mended with different colored thread and won’t be so short that Jensen can see Jared’s socks and his ankles.

Jensen takes the jeans to the counter and pays for them. He has been saving his wages for a long time and he has enough. His apartment is paid for for the next two months and he doesn’t eat much so there is enough in his wallet for the jeans and even a t-shirt. Jensen picks out a blue one, and figures that it would bring out the colors in Jared’s eyes.

The lady in the store smiles at him and puts his purchases in a bag. The bag was a brown paper one and smells nice and Jensen hugs it to his chest. He hoped Jared wouldn’t mind him buying him a gift but Jared had given Jensen a new pot so he feels it is okay.

***

Jared wipes the dirt from his sleeve and leans back against the spade. It is hot today and he feels a little dizzy from working in the sun for so long. He glances across to where his dad sits, drinking beer. His dad doesn’t trust him to do the garden without supervision and came along to watch him but so far, he hasn’t really watched Jared, preferring to drink or sleep, his face and balding head growing redder as the sun climbs higher.

“Have you stopped ass-wipe?” His dad snaps awake as if by magic, seemingly knowing that Jared is resting. Jared shakes his head, fear prickling against his chest, making sweat stand out and drip down his forehead and into his hair. His dad snorts and swallows down the last of his beer and Jared smacks his dry lips, wishing he had something to drink. The heat is making him light-headed and he is pretty sure that his dad is gonna give him hell if he just keels over and face plants the dirt.

Finally, his dad gives up and goes off to buy more beer. Jared watches him go with relief, knows that he won’t be back today, knows that when his dad hits the bar he won’t be back until tomorrow or even the next day.

He hears Jensen’s voice and looks up. Jensen hangs out of the window and waves. He asks Jared if he wants a drink and Jared nods without hesitation, putting down his spade, his shoulders cracking as he stretches them out.

***

“I-I made lemonade.” Jensen wears a white wife-beater and Jared is fascinated by his freckly arms and broad chest. Jensen pours out the lemonade and adds a little sugar and Jared grins a little as he realizes that Jensen always wants things to be perfect.

“It’s good,” Jared says and it is. Both sweet and sour, cold against his dry mouth. He drains his glass in one gulp and holds it out for more. Jensen looks happy as he pours another glass full.

“I – I – I g-got something for you.” Jensen pushes a paper bag towards him and Jared stares at it. Jensen looks worried, his cheekbones pink, his teeth biting into his lower lip. Jared opens the bag carefully, his fingers playing over the soft cotton of the blue tee, the stiffness of the denim, both smelling fresh and new.

“These are . . . I – hey – thanks.” Jared feels his own cheeks stinging and he pulls out the tee and holds it against himself. Jensen is smiling again now, his teeth very white.

“Try them on,” he says.

 

Jared pulls off his dirty, sweaty wife-beater and smooths the blue tee over his chest carefully. He notices that Jensen looks away as he pulls down his old jeans and changes them for the new ones. He tugs them up over his slim hips and zips up the fly. When he looks down at himself, he feels like a prince, like someone special.

The jeans fit like a charm. They hug his ass and flare out over his feet. The tee is long and hangs over his flat stomach, hiding the hated marks and scars. He rubs his hands over his thighs, reveling in the feel of new clothing, the comfortable softness of the cotton. He looks over at Jensen and feels a grin stretching his face out.

“I love them! Thank you, Jensen. How can I ever thank you?”

“You l-look nice,” Jensen’s voice is soft, hesitant and his cheeks are even redder. Jared moves towards him and pulls him into a loose hug. Jensen is tense for the longest time and then he suddenly relaxes, his body going limp and lax in Jared’s arms.

For a moment, they are both still and then Jensen’s hands come up and reach around Jared’s waist, holding him, his fingers tightening in the new t-shirt. Jensen’s head rests, awkwardly, on Jared’s muscular chest and Jared moves one hand so that he can rest it on Jensen’s head, stroking absently through his spiky hair.

Jensen breaks away, his face puce now, his freckles almost obscured by his blush. Jared lets him go, stepping back and sitting down on the couch, his throat so dry he needs another swallow of lemonade.

***

That night all Jared thinks of is Jensen; Jensen buying him the new clothes. Jensen in his arms all big and broad; Jensen’s freckly arms and soft hair.

Jared has never had a real friend before, never held anyone close to him, never been held by anyone since his momma died and holding Jensen made him feel warm, safe and secure. Jared knows that Jensen is different, knows that because he lives in his dad’s apartment block and everyone there is different, special in some way.

Jared doesn’t care. He wishes that he could stay with Jensen all the time, eat eggs and drink lemonade. He wishes he could sit with Jensen under the stars and point out the constellations, like his momma used to do. He wishes that he had the courage to kiss Jensen, to put his mouth on Jensen’s and feel those soft lips against his.

Thinking about Jensen makes his stomach clench and makes his skin feel too tight for his body. He doesn’t understand the feeling, not really, but he knows it is good and that he wants it to last.

***

Jensen writes on another page. His writing is small and secretive, his thoughts jumbled and strange.

 _Jared hugged me today,_ he writes, smudging the ink with his fingers in his eagerness to write more. _It made me feel really nice and I want to do it again._

****

“Dad can I have some money?” Jared stares at himself in the mirror and sees a coward. He can practice asking the question over and over but he knows, deep in his heart, that he won’t do it.

He wants to take Jensen out. He thinks maybe the movies or to the soda shop. Something he thinks Jensen will enjoy.

Jared sits on the bed and counts out the few, miserly, dollars he has managed to save. There isn’t much there, not enough to do what he wants and he bites his lip, thrusts the dirty notes into his pocket and makes his way downstairs.

***

The blow is hard; it makes his head jolt back and his teeth rattle. Blood tastes like salt in his mouth and he bites back tears. His dad stares at him, eyes angry and dark.

“I let you work for me you, little shit. For fuck’s sake; you live here and don’t give me a dime. Give me one good reason why I should give you ten fucking dollars of my hard earned cash?”

Jared swallows and wipes his hand across his mouth. The knuckles come away smeared with red and he feels around his gums with his tongue, praying that there are no loose teeth. His dad shakes his head.

“Get out of my sight,” he growls. “Don’t come the fuck back unless you want more of the same.” He holds up his fist. “Next time I see you it better be on the stairs with a mop in your hands or you’ll regret the day you were born.”

***

Jensen finishes his shift and hands his apron to his boss. She smiles at him and gives him the little brown packet with his wages in. Jensen likes Fridays, he gets to take the money out of the packet and put it in his wallet, all green and fresh, smelling new. He also gets Saturdays to himself and he can do whatever he wants. Go to the park or maybe go for a swim. He knows he should go and visit his parents, prove to them that he is doing it, that he is a big boy and can look after himself but he knows if he goes back home his momma will cry and beg him to stay and Jensen can never ignore his momma’s tears.

Jensen is surprised but happy to find Jared sitting on the stairs near his apartment. Jared is wearing his new jeans and blue tee and his hair is messy. Jensen isn’t stupid, he can see the redness round Jared’s eyes, see the smear of blood around Jared’s mouth.

“Jared?” Jensen drops to his knees, puts a hand on Jared’s knee, quick, and brief, squeezing gently.

“Can I stay here tonight?” Jared rubs at his face, eyes bright. “I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“D-did your dad d-do this?” Jensen rubs at his glasses, pushing them up so he can look closer at Jared’s face.

“Yeah.” Jared gets to his feet, unsteady and Jensen takes his arm, feeling the flex in Jared’s bicep, the softness of Jared’s skin beneath his fingers.

“L-let me get you a drink of w-water.” Jensen puts his key in the lock and lets Jared in. Jared follows him, hovering behind him as he turns on the faucet and fills a glass. Jensen wants to hold Jared but he is scared all of a sudden. Jared is quiet, still, not like Jared at all and Jensen wants to see the smile that puts dimples on Jared’s cheeks.

Jared drinks the water and it turns pink. Jensen winces as he realizes that Jared’s mouth is still bleeding and he lifts a tentative finger, rubbing it across Jared’s lips.

“O-o-open up,” he stammers. “Let – let m-me look.”

Jared’s mouth opens and Jensen sees that he has bitten his tongue. Jensen did that once, it hurt. He was eating a toffee and bit down on flesh instead of the sweet. His momma had made him suck an ice cube and he nods to himself, getting a Popsicle from the freezer. Cherry, he thinks, his favorite.

Jensen hands Jared the Popsicle and watches as Jared sucks it into his mouth. Jared drools, deep red staining his chin.

“Thanks.” Jared smiles at last. Dimples popping out and then in again.

“You – you – you can stay here if you like.” Jensen fidgets. “Mmm – I-I can sleep on the sofa. I-it turns into a bed,” he says, proudly. “And I know how to do it.”

“I should sleep on the sofa.” Jared is prodding his mouth with his tongue. “I’m the guest.”

“You’re too big,” Jensen blurts it out and then goes red. Jared laughs then, a real genuine laugh and he smiles at Jensen for the first time today.

“I guess you are right,” he says.

***

Jensen has a DVD and they watch ‘Monster’s Inc’ and eat the rest of the popsicles. Jared feels warm, snug, protected. He has borrowed a pair of Jensen’s pajamas and they smell nice, like coconut, like Jensen.

It is dark in Jensen’s room, the flicker of the TV the only light. Jared’s eyes are heavy and he struggles to keep them open, his lids falling shut, the sounds of the movie echoing in and out of his head.

He opens his eyes to find himself drooling on Jensen’s shoulder and Jensen staring at him, his glasses off, green eyes big and luminous.

Jared swallows and tips his head up to Jensen’s, their faces so close that Jensen’s expression blurs in front of his eyes.

Jensen lowers his head a little and brushes his lips across Jared’s brow. They are soft and dry and Jared shuffles closer still, tilting his head further back.

Jared hasn’t kissed anyone since his mom died. Girls don’t want to date a poor boy with ill-fitting clothing and scars on his body. He knows how to kiss, sure, he has seen plenty of movies, read plenty of books, but he has never kissed on the mouth before and he feels his heart thundering in his chest when Jensen’s lips come down on his.

***

Jensen’s last kiss was from his old auntie in Texas and her lips are nothing like Jared’s. Jared’s lips are silky smooth and they part a little so that Jensen can slip the tip of his tongue over them, licking gently, making the kiss deeper, more intimate.

Jensen can feel Jared’s heart beating, hear his hitched breathing. He strokes his hands across Jared’s cheeks and kisses harder, rewarded by Jared’s little moan, a moan that Jensen takes to mean that Jared likes it.

When they break apart, Jared is grinning, dimples deep in pink cheeks. Jensen’s skin is stretched tight across his body and his pajama pants feel tight and odd. Neither of them speaks and both of them turn back to the movie as if nothing has happened.

***

 _Jared is sleeping in my bed,_ Jensen writes. _Tomorrow, I am going to kiss him again._

****

Jensen puts the largest egg in the red eggcup, and slices the bread good and thick. Jared sits at the table, watching him, a smile playing on his lips. Jensen swallows, trying to concentrate on buttering the bread rather than watching Jared. It is really hard.

Jared wipes his hands on the napkin that Jensen has laid out for him. It is Saturday and he wishes he could just stay here with Jensen, maybe watch another movie or some sports on TV. He knows that he can’t though, because if his dad caught him here he would be royally screwed.

Jensen bends to pick up the eggcup and Jared leans forward and plants a kiss on his cheek. Jensen blushes, eyes bright and green without the thick lenses of his glasses to hide them. Jared grins and grips Jensen by the hand, pulling him closer and kissing him again.

Jared feels light and happy when he leaves the apartment. He whistles as he fills up the bucket and gets out the mop. He can feel the press of Jensen’s soft lips on his, his mouth tingling with the thought of it, his whole body hot and thrumming with energy that he doesn’t quite know how to control.

Cleaning has never felt so good. Jared virtually dances with the mop, swirls it around in his fingers, splashes water on the stairs then wipes it away again, singing as he does so.

He hears the door click open two floors below him and he freezes. His dad’s voice is harsh, angry and Jared bites his lip hard.

“Jared! You giant fuck, where are you?”

Jared moves and, suddenly, kicks the bucket over. It rattles for a moment, balancing on the top of the stairs and then it topples over, splashing water as it falls, over and over and over.

Jared stands stock still for a moment and then, slips and slides his way down the stairs after the bucket. His feet skid on the wetness and he almost falls. He slithers to a halt as he reaches the bottom, his dad staring at him, the bucket at his feet, water all over his best shoes.

Jared doesn’t have time to duck the punch. It catches him fully on the face but this time it doesn’t stop. His dad’s fist hits him hard repeatedly. Jared goes down; his hands flung over his face to protect himself, his body curling instinctively into a ball. His dad has the mop somehow and he beats it down over Jared’s body. Jared hears his own hitched breathing, tastes his own blood, darkness flashes before his eyes, his head spins and sickness roils in his gut. He can’t see anymore, panic makes him sob in terror and he curls up smaller.

He hears another door open and footsteps hurry towards him. A voice, stuttering, familiar, “Jared!”

***

Jensen stands at the top of the stairs and looks down at Jared’s dad. The man’s face is puce with irrational anger and he gazes up at Jensen with hatred and confusion.

“I-I-I’m going to…..c-call the c-cops,” Jensen stammers and the man beneath him snarls, rising to his feet and whirling around, door slamming behind him.

Jensen falls to his knees at Jared’s side. Jared isn’t moving, he is curled up, his body still, blood everywhere and Jensen wants to be sick, wants to cry. He pulls his emergency phone out of his pocket and hits the button his daddy taught him to use. He listens to the shrill ring, once, twice, then three times and then he hears his momma’s voice, and he begins to cry.

“Momma,” he stutters out. “I-I need . . . I need you to come – to come here, right now.”

“Don’t move Jensen,” his momma says and he nods into the phone, his hand straying downward and wrapping in Jared’s soft hair.

***

Jared opens his eyes. It hurts so he shuts them again.

The scent in his nostrils is sharp. Bleach, antiseptic and clean cotton. He hears the beep, beep, beep of a heart monitor to his left and he knows, panic settling fuzzily in his brain, he knows he is in hospital

“Take it easy dear,” the voice in his ear is soft, gentle and unfamiliar. He rolls his head towards it and groans. The voice shushes him and tender fingers rub across his head. “You have to be still,” it scolds.

He forces his eyes to open. There is a woman beside his bed. She is small, elegant and well dressed but he doesn’t recognize her. Then he sees the wide green eyes widen in a pale face and he knows, without even having to ask, who this is.

“Jensen?” His voice sounds like sandpaper and his mouth hurts. He runs his tongue over his teeth, feels for gaps. His jaw cracks and he groans.

“He’s outside dear.” The woman smiles and it is achingly familiar. “He is a very upset”

“I didn’t mean . . . ,” he trails off because he doesn’t really know what he wants to say. There is a lump in his throat, his eyes are stinging and his body is numb. His hand is heavy and he sees a needle sticking out of it. He wants to be sick then and he swallows hard, his head moving restlessly on the pillow.

“Hush.” Jensen’s momma has her son’s kind eyes and they glint in the dim light. “He wants so much to come in and see you, he has been so worried.”

“He is my friend,” Jared croaks out and Jensen’s momma smiles.

“I know,” she says.

***

Jensen hovers next to Jared’s bed, his heart in his mouth. Jared is sleeping, his black, swollen eyes closed tightly shut, his hair tucked into a white bandage. There are black marks down his bare arms and his leg is in a cast. Jensen shakes as he stares down at his friend, at _his_ Jared.

Jensen sits next to the bed and takes out his journal. He wants to write something but he doesn’t know how to begin. He keeps seeing Jared curled up, still and dead looking; keep seeing his daddy bringing down the mop repeatedly.

 _Jared is never leaving again,_ he writes. _He is staying with me where he is gonna be safe. I am gonna protect him._

Jensen has never been so sure of anything in his life before.

 

****

Jared opens his eyes and finds Jensen staring down at him. He isn’t wearing his glasses and Jared can see the brightness of tears.

“Hey,” he swallows and it hurts. His head hurts too and he rubs it with his hand, his other too heavy to lift, drugs still being pumped into him.

“The cops are here.” Jensen wipes his face with the back of his hand. “They want to talk to you.”

“Is it about my dad?” Jared feels sick. He reaches out and grasps at Jensen’s hand, clutching it in his, feeling Jensen’s fingers close around his own.

“T-they ar-r-rested him,” Jensen stutters and Jared begins to shake, fear making him go cold all over.

“I don’t want that,” he says and Jensen looks at him funny, as if he doesn’t understand.

“H-he hurt you,” Jensen says, as if it is as clear-cut as that. “I thought you were dead.”

“If he goes to jail – the apartments will have to close down,” Jared says, panic clutching at his gut. “And you won’t have a home.”

Jensen strokes Jared’s knuckles, absently. “About that,” he murmurs. “My momma is worried about me – worried about you – s-she wants – s-she wants you to come home with me, to her house, to my old house. She says she will look after us both.”

“But you were happy there, you were independent.” Jared cannot seem to let go of Jensen’s hand, his fingers are holding on convulsively, so tight that it must hurt. Jensen smiles at him and presses a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“I – nothing matters but y-you now,” he says, softly. “Y-you have got to get better and I am gonna make sure no one hurts you again,” he swallows and wipes his eyes with his free hand. “No one.”

***

Jared’s dad is arrested for hurting him and Jensen is happy.

His momma tells him that Jared’s dad will have to go to court and face a lot of people who will make him go to jail. Jensen hopes they will throw away the key.

Jared is in hospital for a long time and Jensen goes every day. He takes books for Jared to read, grapes for him to eat and even sneaks in candy when his momma isn’t looking.

Jared is quiet, quieter than the Jared who ate eggs in his apartment. He is pale, tired looking. Jensen wants to kiss away the sadness in Jared’s eyes but he is scared, scared to even touch Jared when his momma is around.

One day his momma has to go to the dentist and Jensen goes and visits Jared alone. He takes the bus, like the big boy he is, and goes across town. He buys candy and a glossy magazine with pictures of dogs in because he knows that Jared loves dogs. He wants to see Jared’s dimples, to see his white teeth and he needs it, needs it so much it makes his stomach ache.

Jared is out of bed. The nurses have let him sit on the chair by the window and he is wearing his smart t-shirt and shorts, his leg sticking out, the cast white and clean. He looks up as Jensen comes in and smiles, really smiles and Jensen’s heart leaps at the sight.

Jensen shuts the door. His momma has paid for Jared to have his own room with a nice TV and a radio. Jared looks better, his face has red in it at last and his dimples are back. He grins as Jensen kneels on the floor beside him, his hands stroking Jensen’s hair as he wraps his arms around Jared’s waist and holds on.

“I miss you,” he says, hoping Jared gets it. Jared’s grip on his hair tightens and he rubs his fingertips across Jensen’s scalp.

“I miss you too,” he murmurs.

Jensen tips his head up, Jared tips his down, and their lips meet. For a moment it is clumsy and awkward and Jensen’s neck hurts a bit, but then Jared pulls Jensen up a little and they are face to face and kissing harder, their breathes coming in harsh pants, Jared’s tongue tangling with Jensen’s, warm and soft.

Jensen’s eyes flutter closed and his stomach aches even more. It is a funny ache, sharp and stabbing, nothing like the pain he gets when he has eaten too much. His jeans feel odd too, tight and uncomfortable, as if they don’t fit as well as they did. He wants something but doesn’t know what it is and he shuffles closer to Jared, his hands resting on Jared’s thighs, fingers caressing the prickly hairs there.

“I-I – it is nice,” he stammers, finally and Jared breaks the kiss to stare at him.

Jared’s eyes are dark, his cheeks pink, his hair sticking up all over the place.

“I know,” he breathes and Jensen sees that Jared’s shorts are tight around his groin, they tent out as if Jared has something down there and Jensen flushes.

“Can I-I. . . I mean, I want t-to . . . ,” Jensen’s voice gets soft, scratchy and Jared shakes his head.

“Not here, not here, the nurses might come in.”

“It hurts,” Jensen says. “But it is such a good hurt”

“Oh God, Jensen,” Jared says and he puts his hand down his own shorts and rubs, his eyes growing darker, his white teeth in his bottom lip. “Jensen.”

Jensen watches in fascination as Jared continues to rub at himself, his eyes closing, his cheeks growing pinker and pinker. Jensen lets his fingers flutter lower and play across the zipper of his jeans. The hurt in him grows and grows and he presses his finger down, wondering.

“Lock the door,” Jared pants and Jensen gets up so fast he almost falls over, his head spinning. Fingers fumble on the handle and he turns it so that it is locked, then he shuffles back to Jared and kneels so close to him he can see the hairs on Jared’s cheeks, the flutter of his lashes against his high bones.

“Have you ever…?” Jared says and Jensen shakes his head.

He knows about it of course; he isn’t so stupid. He just thought that it was for other people, not for him. He smiles at Jared, his limbs feeling heavy and out of control. Jared smiles back, takes his hand out of his own shorts, and presses it over Jensen’s fly.

“Jensen,” he says and moves his hand, up, down, up, down. Jensen feels a moan building in his throat and his groin thrusts up against Jared’s hand, the pleasure/pain in his stomach growing until he can’t take the pressure a moment longer and he feels something cool and wet in his boxers and he gasps, his eyes rolling back in his head, his heart thundering.

“Jared,” he can barely speak and he feels so good, so warm, so loved. Jared smiles at him, dimples deep now and pulls him in close.

“Jensen,” Jared says again and Jensen buries his head in Jared’s hard chest. He can feel Jared’s heart beating, feel his stomach fluttering and clenching. He lifts a curious hand and touches Jared over the cotton of his shorts. Jared’s eyes widen and he gasps, his whole body going tense and then lax almost instantly. Jensen freezes, worried that he has done something wrong, but Jared is laughing, his belly rumbling with it.

***

Jensen doesn’t have words for what happened so all he draws in his journal is a big red heart.

****

Jared swings his legs over the edge of the bed and wobbles to his feet. The crutches they have given him squeeze around his bicep and he draws in a breath as he tries to balance, his long legs and arms awkward in the stiff metal.

“Steady boy.” Jensen’s dad is stocky and broad like his son, his hands sure and firm. He grips Jared’s waist and puts an arm around him, holding him up. “We don’t want you fallin’, do we?”

Jared smiles down at Mr Ackles and lets the older man support him. Behind them, Jensen throws the rest of Jared’s things into the suitcase, that is brand new and a gift. He looks over to where Jared is leaning against his daddy and smiles, wide and excited.

He can’t believe that Jared is coming home with them.

He can’t believe that he is going to be able to help look after Jared and that they are going to be together. Jared returns his smile, all dimples and flashing eyes. They exchange their secret look, the one that means something to both of them and Jensen blushes. He can still remember the feel of Jared’s strong hand on his groin, the slow throb of his need, the burst of excitement when Jared touched him harder.

Jensen wants to have that again and he blushes deeper, sure, that Jared knows what he is thinking and hoping that his daddy doesn’t have any idea.

***

Jared’s breath is caught in his throat when he sees the Ackle’s house.

It is the biggest house he has ever seen in his life and has a lot of rooms. The garden looks well kept and the flowers are all in neat rows in their beds. Jared swallows as he hobbles up the path, afraid he will step on something nice, something precious. He feels big and clumsy and he wobbles again, steadying when Mr Ackles tightens his grip around his waist, holding him upright.

When he sees his room, he almost flees. It is big and clean, the bed huge, king sized, soft and comfortable looking. There is a table by the bed with some books on it and there is a big TV in the corner with a DVD player attached. Jared gulps, sitting down on the bed and letting his feet sink into the soft, white carpet, his eyes on the room, afraid that if he closes his eyes it will disappear.

“Are you alright dear?” Mrs Ackles is dressed impeccably, a white apron covering her smart blue dress. Her greying hair is caught up in a bun and her green eyes flash at him, reminding him of her son. He nods, feeling foolish, gauche, and so out of place.

“I-I don’t belong here,” it slips out before he can stop it and he feels his face stinging, his eyes burning. Mrs Ackles sits beside him on the bed and pats his thigh.

“Jared,” she says, gently. “You mustn’t think like that.”

“Why are you doing this?” Jared has never had anyone do anything kind for him in his whole life and it makes him feel odd, his stomach is hurting and his throat is really tight.

“Jared – you must have noticed that my son is – that Jensen is – that my son is . . . .” He sees her searching for the words. “Different,” she concludes. “It took me years to get him to actually make eye contact with people and even longer to get him to talk to strangers. Even now, he find it difficult to speak to someone without stuttering. When he rang me the night after he met you, he spoke about you with such fondness and he never even stumbled over your name.” She wiped her eyes with her apron and smiled at Jared, nodding. “My son loves you, Jared. He never stops talking about you. When I came through that door and saw him on his knees and you so still, I feared the worse. I don’t think that Jensen would be able to carry on without you in his life now. I owe you more than you will ever know.”

Jared flushes, the ache in his stomach turning into warmth.

“I like him too,” he mumbled and Mrs Ackles smiled again, rubbing his leg with her hand and nodding.

“I’m glad,” she said. “Glad that he has someone, glad that you have someone. It must be hard to live with – with a parent who – who treats you badly.” She looked awkward. “But don’t think of that now, settle in here and then, when you are ready, come down to lunch. For now, there is a very excited person outside this door and I fear he might explode if I don’t let him in.”

***

Jensen waits till his momma was downstairs before he locks the door. Jared is laying on the bed, half-asleep, the effort of moving, combined with the painkillers and the injuries making him tired. Jensen lies down beside him and rests his head on his chest, listening to his heart.

“I’m glad you are here,” he whispers.

Jared’s heartbeat quickens, Jensen feels it just as he feels Jared’s fingers tangling in his hair. Jensen tips his head up and lets Jared kiss him. The kiss is hard, Jared’s tongue slips into Jensen’s mouth and Jensen tangles his own tongue against it. They both moan and Jensen wants, wants so hard that he feels he might explode.

Jared reaches down and, just like before, strokes his hand across Jensen’s zipper. This time though, he pulls it down and lets his fingers trail across bare flesh. Jensen hisses, thrusting up into Jared’s strong grip.

Jensen looks down, sees h-his cock – his cock – moving in and out of Jared’s large fist. He feels his stomach clenching and his heart fluttering and he gasps, watching with fascination as his cock leaks, feeling it in every part of his body.

“You are so nice, Jensen. So nice to me,” Jared sounds broken but there is a smile on his face. “Touch me, Jensen. Touch me like I’m touching you. Please, please.”

Jensen swallows and quickly fumbles Jared’s zipper undone. Jared’s cock is hard in his hand, yet the skin is so soft, like silk. Jensen rubs his cheek against it, hearing Jared gasp and moan. He mimics Jared’s movements, wonders if Jared feels as good as he does. He hears Jared give one last little whimper and then there is wet and warm liquid all over his hand and he bucks up into Jared’s hand and lets all the tension go, feeling so good, so nice that he wonders if he will ever be happy unless he is doing this.

Afterwards, they snuggle and Jared dozes on Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen can smell his momma’s cooking and he thinks it has been one of the best days of his life.

***

That night, Jensen lets Jared write in his journal. Jared sticks out his tongue in concentration and writes in very big, wobbly letters.

_I love Jensen Ackles._

****

Jensen’s mom doesn’t seem to mind Jensen holding his hand, so Jared lets him. Jensen’s hand is warm and damp in his, Jensen’s broad fingers stroking across his knuckles. Jared is still limping a little, even though the plaster is off now and he welcomes the support Jensen is giving him. It feels good, it feels better than good and he wonders what he did to get so lucky.

The store is big, the biggest store Jared has ever been in. His dad got all his clothes from thrift shops and, apart from the stuff Jensen got for him; he has never owned anything new since his mom died.

Jensen’s mom huffs and clicks her tongue. She holds up shirts and jeans, socks and boots, trainers and tees. Jared lets her fill up the basket and then watches, silently, as she fills up another one. Jensen never lets go of his hand and Jared leans against him, his throat tight and hot with something that is akin to pleasure and pain.

“I want fries.” They sit in the small café for lunch and Jensen points at the menu. “I’m really hungry.”

“You always want fries.” Jensen’s momma smiles warmly and pinches Jensen’s cheek with her hand. “And eggs, fries and eggs Jensen, you will get fat.”

Jensen pulls a face and his tongue comes out of his lips quick and sharp. Jared bites back a laugh and hides his face behind his own menu. Under the table, Jensen puts his hand on Jared’s thigh and Jared swallows hard, his legs tensing.

“What about you, Jared?” Jensen’s mom is smiling at him, her green eyes so warm and loving. Jared feels that tight feeling in his throat again and he wipes a hand across his stinging eyes.

He can barely remember his own mom, just that she smelled nice and always had time for him. He wishes she were still here, that she was here to love him as much as Jensen’s mom seemed to love her son.

“Jared?” Jensen’s mom looks worried and when he glances around, he can see that Jensen looks worried too. Jensen’s hand tightens on his thigh, fingers moving slowly, gently across the denim. “Jared – are you okay?”

“It’s just . . . .” Jared doesn’t know how to explain, how to make them understand. Jared doesn’t know how to tell them that he isn’t used to kindness, isn’t used to eating in cafes or buying new clothes. He feels ashamed suddenly and his cheeks sting.

“Don’t cry, Jared,” Jensen’s voice is soft against his ear. “Please don’t cry.” Jensen is still stroking his thigh, still looking at him through thick glasses and Jared knows that, behind the lenses, those eyes are bright green and full of love.

“I’m going to order our food.” Mrs Ackles smiles wide and she gets up and moves over to the counter.

Jared feels stupid and he wipes at his eyes again, feeling angry with himself for spoiling the day. Beside him, Jensen is silent and Jared reaches out and takes his hand again, squeezing it tightly, holding on to Jensen as if he is a lifeline.

“I love you,” Jensen speaks suddenly, pink flushing behind the freckles across his nose. “I love you so much.”

Jared feels something warm blossom in his chest and he leans into Jensen, his head resting on Jensen’s shoulder.

“I love you too,” he whispers.

“When you are better,” Jensen begins, his voice tinged with excitement now. “We are going to get another apartment but this time, together. I asked my momma and she said it would be – said it would be okay,” he breathes out and Jared realizes that Jensen has gotten out the whole sentence without stuttering. “Do you want that?” Jensen is still talking, faster now, as if he needs to get it all out. “Do you want us to get a place together?”

“More than anything,” Jared replies.

It won’t be easy. He doesn’t have a job or any money. He doesn’t have a home or a family; he doesn’t have anything at all.

He knows though, that he is the richest person on earth at this moment, because he has Jensen.

***

Jensen is almost beside himself with excitement.

It is 1st December and his momma has promised that today, they can go and get a tree.

Jared is still getting better. His leg still aches when it is cold and there are faint marks on his thighs where his dad hurt him. Jared sleeps a lot still, and has to take pills but he is happy and Jensen just lives to see him smile, to see the dimples in his cheeks, to hear him laugh all deep and throaty.

The thing that Jensen likes best of all, though, is to sneak into Jared’s room when his momma and daddy are sleeping and to kiss Jared and hold him. That is the nicest thing as far as Jensen is concerned. He loves the feel of Jared’s soft skin against his, the feel of Jared hard and silky in his hand. He loves to roll over and pull Jared down on top of him so that they fit together like parts of a puzzle. Loves the feeling of warmth in his stomach when they move against each other, loves the way his body seems to be drawn to Jared’s, the way that Jared’s body seems to always be pressed hard against his own.

He wants something more but he isn’t sure what it is. He isn’t so good at reading and he is too scared to look at his computer in case his momma finds out. He wants to ask Jared but every time he opens his mouth, his tongue gets tied up in knots and he stutters, stammers, and goes pink.

He gets out his journal and sucks at his pen, his mind trying to find the words to express what he feels, what he wants.

 _Jared,_ he writes. _I want Jared._

That is his Christmas wish this year.

****

Three weeks before Christmas and Jared sees the job advertizement.

It is in the pet shop, in the mall, and he stops by the window to read the advert, his tongue stuck between his teeth as he reads.

The woman is older; she has long blonde hair and a harassed expression. She looks up and up as Jared limps in and smiles at him briefly, struggling with a rather large and lively rabbit.

“Is the job still available?” Jared asks mouth dry. This is his chance, his chance to have something for himself, to earn some money so that he can have that apartment with Jensen.

“It is.” She hands him the rabbit and he holds it firmly, feeling its soft fur against his face. “Do you have any experience?”

Jared shakes his head. He has cleaned, mopped and mowed lawns, but he hasn’t ever really held an animal but he wants to.

“The rabbit seems to like you.” The woman smiles. And that is good enough for me. How about we start you on a month’s trial and see how you go?” She leans forward and holds out her hand for Jared to shake. “My name's Samantha but most people call me Sam.”

“Jared.” He glows with happiness and shakes her hand hard and firm. “Thank you.”

Sam smiles and, together, they get the rabbit in his cage.

“Its long hours and hard work, but you look strong enough, so we should get along just fine.”

Jared is so proud he is ready to explode and he runs all the way home, hardly able to wait to tell Jensen his news.

***

Jensen hugs Jared hard, green eyes sparkling. Jensen’s momma lets them have a bottle of beer each and Jared catches the cold, fizzy liquid on his tongue. They snuggle together under the glittering lights of the Christmas tree and watch sappy cartoons. Jensen’s momma watches them with fondness in her eyes and Jared doesn’t think that life can get any better.

***

Jensen sneaks slowly across the hall. It is late and dark and Jensen has to be careful that he doesn’t crash into anything. He opens Jared’s door cautiously, holding his breath as it gives a little creak.

Jared is in his bed. Jensen can hear the soft hitch of his breathing but he knows he is awake. He crawls onto the bed and lies down beside Jared, the younger man rolling his head so that he can look at Jensen, teeth glinting in the dim light of the room.

Jensen leans forward and presses his mouth against Jared’s. Jared opens his lips and sucks in Jensen’s tongue, closing his eyes and pressing his body up against Jensen’s, making Jensen shudder in pleasure.

“I-I…w-want you,” Jensen stutters out, his stomach aching, his groin heavy with pleasure that is almost pain.

“I know – I want you too, Jensen.” Jared sits up, pulling his t-shirt over his head. Jensen looks at Jared’s broad, muscular chest and lifts a tentative finger, running it down over Jared’s abs and stroking over his nipple.

“I – I don’t know what to do,” Jensen’s voice is low, almost a whisper.

“Just go with it,” Jared pulls off his pajama trousers and is naked. Jensen gazes at Jared’s cock as it rises up against his stomach, leaking fluid. Jensen touches Jared’s cock with a gentle finger and Jared hisses, his head falling down onto Jensen’s shoulder.

Jared rolls onto his stomach and rises onto his hands and knees. He reaches into his bedside drawer and pulls out a tube. He hands it to Jensen.

“Rub that on your fingers,” Jared murmurs.

Jensen does as he is told, shaking now. He rubs his hand down Jared’s bottom, his fingers searching out Jared’s entrance.

“Yeah,” Jared swallows, sounding choked, desperate. “Yeah like that.”

Jensen lets his slippy finger enter Jared’s ass. He watches in fascination as it slips in and out, Jared gasping and pushing back onto his finger.

“Another,” he mutters.

Jensen adds another finger and goes for it. He is shaking now, his body shuddering, the ache building so much that he thinks he might explode. He can hear Jared whimpering quietly, burying his head into the pillow so that Jensen’s parents won’t hear him.

“Now you,” Jared moans. “Now you.”

Jensen understands. He rubs his sticky fingers over his cock and then lines it up. He pushes into Jared, hearing him groan and hiss.

They are doing it. Jensen feels his heartbeat quicken, his stomach clench, his eyes water with stinging tears. He grips Jared’s hips and moves in him, slowly, in and out, feeling heat and warmth grip him, envelope him. It is what he has always wanted, always needed. It feels wonderful, right. Jensen smiles, gritting his teeth. He is like other people now, not different, not special.

He has Jared, Jared has him, and they are together.

“Touch me.” Jared reaches around, his head dipping further into the pillow. He pulls Jensen’s hand round and Jensen grips Jared’s cock.

He tugs it in time with his thrusts and Jared lets out a deep, throaty moan and comes, wetly, over Jensen’s fingers. Jensen feels Jared clench around him and it is too much. His body and mind explode with pleasure and he falls down, crushing Jared into the mattress, the both of them panting and giggling like children.

Afterwards, he stays for a while, cuddling and kissing.

Jared writes in his journal that night, his writing more confident now.

_Today I got a job. Today was a good day. Today we loved for the first time and my life can’t get any better._

Jensen traces the words with his fingers and sees them smudge as his tears drip onto the paper.

“Are you crying?” Jared looks concerned, upset.

“Cos I am happy.” Jensen smears the ink and rubs the paper clean. “I’m crying cos I am happy.”

“That’s okay then,” Jared murmurs and he takes the pen from Jensen’s hand and writes again.

 _Jensen is happy : )_. 

And next to it he draws a smiley face, making sure that this time, Jensen doesn’t smudge it with his tears.

****

It is nearly Christmas and Jared loves working in the pet store.

It is hard work and the shop stays open really late, but Jared loves the animals, the rabbits, the hamsters, even the fish. He likes it when someone takes a pet home, likes to catch them and place them gently in a box, watching with something akin to pride as the ‘new’ owner takes their pet home to love and care for.

Sam brings the puppy in two days before Christmas Eve. The puppy is black and really small. It trembles in Sam’s hands, its large brown eyes wide with fear. Jared bends down and strokes a gentle finger over its back, feeling the bony nubs of its spine through thin skin. The puppy’s little tail wags feebly and Jared swallows hard, his eyes stinging.

“We rescued him.” Sam bites her lip to hold back obvious anger. “Someone had thrown him and his brothers in the river in a sack. His brothers were too small and they died. The man who found him gave him to me; he hoped we might be able to find a new home for him. He was scared that if he went to the pound they would just put him down.”

Jared swallows again. The dog stares up at him with big, liquid eyes. It makes a little whimpering sound and tries to snuggle up closer to Jared, its head against Jared’s stomach. Jared knows how the dog feels; scared, lost, alone. Jared felt like that too until Jensen rescued him.

“Do you want to take him?” Sam smiles.

“Yeah,” Jared wonders what Mrs Ackles might say. She might hate dogs; she might make Jared bring the puppy right back to the store. He stares at the dog again and nods, more firmly this time. “Yeah, I do.”

***

Donna Ackles watches her son and his friend as they kneel on the floor, playing with the tiny puppy.

The little black dog is probably the most pathetic thing that she has ever seen in her life. It has barely any skin on its bones. It is frail, timid, and ill-treated. She wonders how it has survived this long.

She sighs. It is so sad, she thinks, how much Jared relates to the little dog. Jared might not be so tiny, so fragile, but he has been just as ill-treated, his life has been just as miserable. She wishes she could do more for both Jared and the little puppy, but all she can do is take them in and take care of them, hoping they will grow and be happy again.

She smiles to herself. Jared is huge, tall and broad, his legs endless, his arms so long that shirt sleeves never even skim his wrists. If he had fought back, he could have done his dad some damage, but she knows that Jared is not that guy. Jared is a gentle giant, kind, affectionate, and so in love with her son.

She was afraid when she first saw Jared, so badly injured and so vulnerable. She didn’t know what sort of person Jared was, how he had found himself in such a position. Then she watched him with her son and she had realized what a wonderful person Jared really was. Jared treated Jensen as if he was – as if he was _normal_. Jared didn’t seem to mind that Jensen stammered, that his mind could be confused and child-like. Jared talked to Jensen like they were equals and, to Jared, they were. He cared for Jensen and she had watched her son blossom under that care, watched him develop and grow, watch him come out of his self-imposed shell and give himself totally to Jared.

She wasn’t foolish. She had heard them at night; they were not as silent as they thought they were. She had hidden the knowledge from her husband and kept her own council. They loved each other and how they demonstrated that love didn’t matter to her. She was just glad that her son was happy, that her son had someone in his life who would always love and care for him.

“Momma,” Jensen’s voice broke her reverie and she looked up. Her son was holding the puppy in his big hands, his chin resting on the little dog’s soft head. Beside him, Jared was tense, his slanting eyes on her face, pleading.

“Momma,” Jensen said again. “I won’t have one single Christmas present, I won’t, I promise, but please, please let us keep the puppy.” He gave her a hopeful smile. “He needs us,” he said.

“You don’t have to go without your presents, baby,” she said, leaning forward and stroking the dog gently. “You can keep him – of course you can.” She smiled. “Jared can bring some food and a lead from the store tomorrow.” Her heart lifted as she saw the look of joy on both of the boy’s faces. “What are you going to call him?” She asked.

“Tiny,” Jensen answered. “Cos he is.”

***

Tiny shared Jared’s bed, lying between him and Jensen, his body soft, warm and relaxed. Jensen let his nose rest on Jared’s neck, one of his hands on Jared’s chest, the other on Tiny, feeling the little puppy breathing in and out.

“He is ours now,” Jensen said. “Our responsibility.”

“Yeah.” Jared was so full of happiness he thought he might burst. “I always wanted a dog,” he murmured. “It is like a dream come true.”

“We should take a picture of him,” Jensen said. “Put it in my journal and then we can see how big he grows, see what sort of dog he is.” He snuggled closer to Jared and curled up against him, yawning.

The next day they stuck a Polaroid of Tiny in Jensen’s book and Jensen wrote his name and age underneath, his tongue sticking out of his teeth in concentration.

 _This is Tiny,_ he wrote. _He belongs to Jared and to me. I love him but not as much as I love Jared. We are gonna have such a good Christmas together. This is my best Christmas ever._

Jared grins and pulls Jensen in for a kiss.

This, he muses, is happiness. Nothing can hurt him now.

****

Christmas Eve and Jensen is doing last minute shopping. He wants to buy something special; he wants to buy something special for Jared.

His momma is at home cooking up a storm and Jared has to work late. His daddy is looking after Tiny, the bundle of skin and bone winning him over. Jensen left the puppy curled up on his dad’s chest.

Jensen presses his nose against the store window. He sees the leather jacket he has been checking out for months. It is soft and the same color as toffee. He can see Jared wearing it, he knows it will fit him; he has been in and held it against himself so many times. Two weeks ago, he put some money down on the jacket. It is his now, it is his and soon, it will be Jared’s.

He is about to enter the store when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns and his heart bumps hard in his chest. He recognizes the eyes, red rimmed and narrowed to slits. He has seen those eyes before, seen them gazing at him, gazing at him from over Jared’s broken body.

.“Where the fuck is my son?” The hand on his shoulder tightens to claws. “Don’t pretend you don’t know – freak!”

“W-what a-are y-you d-doing here?” Jensen’s stammer comes back as he stands in the doorway, his heart thumping painfully, his stomach rolling.

“What am I doing out of jail, do you mean?” Jared’s dad narrows his eyes and stares at Jensen. “Bail, you fucker. Made my own bail. When I got home I found that good for nothin’ bastard of a son had gone and it didn’t take me long to figure out where.”

“You – y-you – I’m not going to let you hurt him,” Jensen swallows, drawing himself up to his full height. He is taller than Jared’s dad, broader too and he can feel an unfamiliar anger building up in his tummy, a need to lash out.

“What are you going to do, you freakin’ faggot?” Jared’s dad speaks low so no one can hear him, his hand tight on Jensen’s shoulder. “You ain’t got the sense that God gave a flea, you are just a fucking retard and my son is not much better. You make a pretty pair don’t you?”

“You should leave me alone,” Jensen, gasps out the words without stammering and he pulls his shoulder away from the man’s clawing hands. He turns so that his face is close to Jared’s dads. He can smell beer and whiskey on the man’s breath and he wants to recoil but he stands firm.

“I’m scared,” Jared’s dad, sounds hard but Jensen can see that he is no longer as confident as he was.

“You are going to jail,” Jensen stated, firmly. “You might be here now but you are going to jail. You won’t get to have Jared again…you won’t get to hurt Jared again.”

“Fucking retard,” Jared’s dad sounds angry but a little scared. Jensen takes a deep breath and pushes him hard in the chest.

“Leave him alone,” he hisses, anger making his stomach roll over and over. “Leave Jared alone.”

Jared’s dad opens his mouth to speak, but Jensen pushes him again, harder now. His hands are big and strong and Jared’s dad goes over, his ass hitting the cold, hard floor.

The crowds in the mall are taking notice and Jensen goes redder, his heart bumping so hard it hurts. Jared’s dad gets up, staggering to his feet, his face pale, his eyes, fear-filled now, fixed on Jensen.

“You’ll pay for this, freak,” he hisses and disappears into the crowd.

***

By the time Jensen gets home, jacket wrapped up and placed in a smart gift bag, he is hardly able to walk. He shakes his body juddering, sweat on his brow, a sick feeling stuck in the back of his throat.

His momma comes in from the kitchen and sees him.

“Baby boy,” she murmurs. “What is it, baby boy?”

***

She gives Jensen a sip of brandy. They wait in the kitchen for Jared to get home, Jensen refusing to do anything until he sees that his Jared is safe, that nothing has happened to _his_ Jared.

When Jared gets home, she slips, tactfully, out of the kitchen and leaves them together. She looks at her boy and smiles sadly. Jensen looks broken but she knows that, today, he has finally become a man and she is so proud that she wants to cry.

“Jensen?” Jared kneels in front of Jensen, his hands on Jensen’s thighs. Jensen is trembling, his face white. He stares at Jared and lifts his hand so that it rests on Jared’s cheek. Jared is cold from the outside and his hair is messy. Jensen has never seen anything so beautiful and so perfect and he knows that he won’t let anyone or anything ruin this.

“What happened, Jensen?” Jared’s voice is soft, gentle. “What happened with my dad?”

“I pushed him,” Jensen states, honestly. “He fell.”

“Bastard.” Jared drops his head on Jensen’s thigh. “That bastard.”

“He won’t come back,” Jensen’s voice shakes. “He – he won’t come back.”

Jared pulls Jensen down so that he can kiss him. His lips taste of mulled wine and cotton candy. Jensen can smell the bedding from the pet shop on his jacket and the scent of coconut in his chestnut hair. He deepens the kiss, wanting, wanting so badly that, his body trembles even more, his heart pounding hard in his chest.

“You are so brave, Jensen,” Jared murmurs, kissing him again and again. “So brave. How can I ever thank you, Jensen?” he says again, his hand rubbing against Jensen’s thigh, his hip and, finally, his groin. “How can I keep thanking you? You are everything to me.”

“Just love me.” Jensen arches into his touch like a cat being petted. “Just love me, Jared.”

And Jared does.

***

hat night they sleep together, wrapped in each other’s arms, Tiny a bundle of fur at their feet.

Jensen’s journal lies open on the table, two words, written by Jared, filling up the blank white page.

_THANK YOU._

****

Jared thinks the last time he celebrated Christmas was when his momma was alive. He doesn’t really remember it and he doesn’t want to remember any other Christmas since. Most of them spent cold and hungry whilst his dad went out and got drunk before coming home and hurting him.

Jensen’s house smells of cinnamon and baking. There is a huge tree in the corner full of flickering lights and, underneath, lie piles and piles of presents. Jensen’s dad wears a silly red apron whilst his mom is checking on a huge turkey, Tiny at her feet, virtually vibrating with puppy excitement.

Jared had a lot of problems buying gifts. He wanted to thank Jensen and his parents but he hadn’t known what to buy. Sam had given him his wages on Christmas Eve and even let him take time off to go and find something. It had been hard but he had really tried and he feels nervous and excited as they kneel by the tree.

“This is for you.” Jensen hands him a present wrapped untidily in red paper, sticky tape and glitter all over it. Jared feels his face grow red as he tears into the gift, his fingers coming away sticky and shiny.

The jacket takes his breath away. It fits beautifully, even hangs over his bony wrists. He strokes it gently, breathing in the fresh new smell of leather, feeling it move with him, soft and easy.

“Do you – you like it?” Jensen’s face is pink, his big green eyes reflecting the glow of the lights.

“I love it.” Jared wants to hug him but feels embarrassed with Jensen’s mom and dad watching them. He settles with squeezing Jensen’s hand, a quick stroke of the palm holding promises for later. Jensen flushes deeper and smiles, his eyes dark with something Jared can’t recognize.

Jensen’s mom loves the perfume he chose for her. She sprays it over herself making the whole room smell sweet and flowery. His dad seems to like the book too, smiling and shaking Jared’s hand. There is only Jensen left and Jared grows more and more nervous as the pile of presents goes down and his is left until last.

The ring cost more than Jared could really afford but he had to have it. It is solid silver, thick and shiny. Inside he had their names engraved, linked together. He stood in the store and imagined Jensen wearing it, imagined Jensen with it on his finger. Now he holds his breath, hoping that Jensen likes it, understands what it means, understands what Jared is trying to say.

Jensen’s face is open and bright, his eyes shiny, like the ring. Jared watches as Jensen slips the ring onto his finger, turning it so that it catches the light. He holds it up so that his mom and dad can see it and Jared sees his mom wipe her eyes on the sleeve of her blouse.

“Jared – I-I…thank you.” Jensen leans forward and plants a kiss on his flaming cheek. Jared feels the cold press of the ring against his warm skin and he holds Jensen’s hand up to his face for a moment, leaning into the touch. Jensen’s eyes are wet and there is a smear of water on his chin. He looks like he wants to say so much, but he just smiles and smiles and Jared feels warm all over just looking at him.

***

Jensen’s family play silly games like Charades and Monopoly. They eat so much food that Jared feels he might explode and he finds himself dozing as they watch a Christmas film on TV. They take Tiny for a walk before bedtime and they cuddle on the sofa as soon as Jensen’s mom and dad go to bed. Jared is dozing again when he feels Jensen’s hands on his thigh and he opens his eyes to see Jensen on his knees, green eyes wide and bright, staring up at him.

“I read about this in a book,” Jensen says and he unzips Jared and takes him out, holding his cock in firm hands, the coolness of his ring rubbing over Jared’s erection. Jared gasps as Jensen kneels over him and takes him into his mouth. Jensen’s mouth is warm and wet, his tongue flickers against the head of Jared’s cock and Jared bucks up, almost knocking Jensen over.

Jensen giggles and holds Jared’s thighs to keep him still. He moves closer, licking and sucking and Jared groans aloud, forgetting about anything but Jensen’s mouth around his cock, the sensations like nothing he has ever felt before.

It doesn’t take long before Jared tugs at Jensen’s hair.

“I’m gonna' . . . ,” he grinds out and Jensen giggles again, taking his lips away and wrapping strong fingers around his cock instead. Jared grunts and comes hard, aware of the stickiness dripping down Jensen’s fingers, his wrist and even his shirt-sleeves.

Afterwards, he takes Jensen in hand and draws it out as slow as he can. Jensen is pliant and happy, kissing Jared on the lips and thrusting into his fist. When they are both finished, sated and warm, Jared wonders what sort of books Jensen has been reading and wonders if Jensen will let him read them too.

***

Jared sleeps warm and dreamless. He snuggles down under the quilt and lets his mind drift away. Beside him, Jensen lies on his back, staring up at the ceiling, planning the future.

Jensen is going to rent a new apartment, bigger this time, big enough for him, Jared, and Tiny. He is going to get more plants, he thinks and big red egg cups because Jared likes eggs. He smiles as he twists the ring around his finger. He knows what the ring means, knows why his momma wears one, why his daddy wears one. He is wearing Jared’s ring now and it is as good as a promise, a promise that they are going to be together forever. Jared and Jensen, no one can stand in their way.

He yawns and he realizes that he hasn’t written in his journal yet. He gets out of bed slowly; his feet warm against the cold wooden floor. Tiny lifts his head to watch him creep past and Jensen pats him, letting his fingers play across soft fur.

He reaches for the journal and then he frowns. He can smell something, something that isn’t a Christmas smell, something bitter, choking and he opens the door to see smoke pouring up the hallway and licking around the tops of the stairs.

He screams then, fear and panic bursting out of him. Jared shoots up in bed and crawls towards him. As soon as he sees the smoke, he grabs Jensen and then the dog and he runs into the hall, banging on the doors and yelling loud enough to wake the dead.

***

Jensen holds his journal against his chest. The house glows orange in front of his eyes. The Christmas tree, the lights and all the decorations are gone, but they are out safe and most of the rooms are okay, a little smoke damage, the firefighter says, but not much to worry about.

His momma’s couch is gone though and her precious things. The kitchen is gutted and the back room is a mess. His momma is crying against his daddy’s chest and, beside him, Jared is trembling, his eyes on the house, tears trailing down his cheeks.

The firefighter uses big words like arson and deliberate. Jensen wonders why anyone would set their house on fire but he doesn’t say anything. His daddy is booking them into a hotel and his momma nods. She hugs Jensen and then Jared.

“We are alive boys,” she says, softly. “That is all that matters.”

***

That night, he and Jared are allowed to share a room. Jensen notices that Jared has written something in his journal and he lifts it up, his throat catching as he sees the words that Jared has put on paper.

 _I think it was my dad,_ Jared wrote. _I have to go away. I have to go back home. If I stay here then he might hurt Jensen and I don't want that._

Jensen climbs into bed and wraps his arms around Jared, holding him good and tight.

“You’re not going anywhere,” is all he says.

****

Jared has his jacket on and his stuff, what there is of it, in his duffle bag.

He creeps out of the motel room, head down, his feet making no sound on the soft carpet. There is a lump in his throat that is so big he cannot even swallow and his eyes burn and sting.

He sees Tiny watching him from his spot at the end of the bed and he knows that, if he goes back to touch the puppy, he will never leave. He swallows back the lump in his throat and continues, determined to be out of Jensen’s life before morning.

Mrs Ackles catches him in the lobby. It is one of those twenty-four hour deals, coffee served all the time, ideal for insomniacs or those people with things on their mind. Mrs Ackles’s eyes are sad and she looks cheated somehow. She stares at him and then pats the space next to her. Jared gulps and sits down on the lumpy sofa, burying his head in his hands so that he doesn’t have to look at her.

“Where were you going?” Her hand is gentle on his arm and he feels the leather creak under her fingers. He can’t bring himself to look up, just stares down at the floor, noting that there are coffee stains on the swirling pattern. He sees that his boot has a hole in it and he rubs his hand against it, embarrassed.

“I was going home,” he says.

“Jared,” she murmurs and the pain in her voice makes him wince and the tears he has been, desperately, holding back for the last two hours burst out of him and pour down his cheeks, cold against the warmth of his skin. He hears Mrs Ackles make a clucking noise and then her arms go around him as far as they can reach and she pulls his head down so that it rests on her shoulder.

“My dad did it,” he mutters, his voice hoarse, gritty. “He set your house on fire, he tried to kill you and he tried to kill Jensen.” He feels his breath hitch and his chest hurts as if someone has kicked it. “I can’t stay here anymore – not while he is around. He will hurt you. He will hurt you all and I couldn’t bear that.”

“The police will deal with your dad,” her voice is even, kind. “I know that they should never have let him out on bail and now they are having trouble locating him, but that isn’t your fault, Jared. You mustn’t keep blaming yourself for everything that happens. It isn’t your fault that your dad set fire to our house and I won’t let you punish yourself for it.”

“He hates me and I don’t know why,” Jared can hardly speak now, tears burning his throat and face like acid. “He has hated me since my momma died, blaming me somehow but it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t. She had – she had cancer and it wasn’t my fault”

“I know.” Donna Ackles can barely hide her own tears. “I know, Jared. Please – please – come back to the motel room. Go back to Jensen.” She pulled his chin up so that she could look at him. “He loves you. He believes that the ring you gave him at Christmas means something.”

“It does, it does mean something.” Jared wipes the tears away from his face. “I love him too and I-I want to spend the rest of my life with him but – but I don’t want to get him hurt or killed.”

“You won’t, baby.” Donna hugs him. “Jared – he won’t survive without you. Go back to him now, please. Let us figure this out, okay?”

“Okay.” He forces a smile and she pulls him closer, wiping her own tears on her sleeve.

They get back to the room without Jensen even waking and Donna watches as he takes off his jacket and jeans and slips in next to her son, wrapping long arms around Jensen and burying his nose into the soft skin on Jensen’s neck.

“It is going to be alright Jared,” she whispers. “You’ll see.”

All he can do is hope that she is right.

***

The police give them an officer to watch the house and he is there every day. At night another takes over and Jared finally feels safe.

He and Jensen go about their daily lives pretending that nothing has happened. Jared goes back to work at the pet shop and Jensen back to the diner. They meet for lunch and travel home together, sometimes stopping at the cinema to watch a film or sometimes going bowling with Jensen’s parents.

They help Donna and Alan clean up the rooms that the fire destroyed. Jared scrubs walls and paints woodwork, Jensen helps his daddy lay the new carpet down. Soon the house looks as good as new and Jensen is smiling again, all wide and happy.

Tiny grows bigger as the days pass. Jared wonders what sort of dog he is and guesses that he must be a Great Dane or some other huge mutt. Soon he and Jensen have to use a big leather lead to walk him and he pulls so hard that it feels as if he is walking them.

Jensen sits at night and makes plans for their new apartment. He draws up lists of what they are going to buy and he shows Jared his secret place where he saves all his money. Jared gazes at the cardboard box full of bills and wonders just how much there is in there. From that night he begins to add his own notes to the collection, hope in his heart for the first time since Jensen’s house caught fire.

***

Jensen knows that Jared doesn’t sleep well. He knows that Jared is afraid his dad will come back and hurt them. He knows that Jared can see the cop outside, but Jared is so scared of his dad that he sometimes forgets that he is only human and not some sort of monster. Jensen knows all about monsters, he used to be scared of them, scared of the dark. He remembers his momma looking under his bed to make sure that the monsters weren’t there and he remembers his night light. He doesn’t tell Jared that he only stopped using his night light when Jared started to stay in bed with him and he keeps his own fears secret. He isn’t scared of Jared’s dad, he pushed him and he will do it again if he has too.

The cops still haven’t caught Jared’s dad, but the nights are getting lighter and spring is coming. Jensen likes spring, he likes the way the plants push their way up into the world, struggling against the dull earth and then flooding it with color. He helps Jared plant things in his garden and tells him about all the plants they are going to have when they move into their apartment. Jared grins, showing his dimples, but Jensen isn’t stupid, he can see the sadness in those slanting eyes and he knows that Jared is thinking about his dad, about how they can never have that apartment until Jared’s dad is in prison, until Jared’s dad is gone.

***

The thing that Jensen likes most of all though is when, at night, they practise the things that Jensen has read about in his books. Jensen has to hide the books under his bed in a locked box away from his momma and he only showed Jared when Jared pleaded with him.

Someone at work gave Jensen the books, said they would _‘make a man of him’_ and grinned. Jensen used to blush red when he looked at the pictures and get even hotter when he read the words but now he has Jared he doesn’t get so embarrassed anymore. He likes to look at the pictures with Jared, watch Jared’s cheeks go pink, watch Jared’s face when he touches Jared in places that the book tells him too.

Sometimes they have to change the bed sheets before his momma does but that means that they have gotten it right and Jensen loves the smiles that it brings to Jared’s face, genuine, real smiles with dimples and everything.

Jensen still writes in his journal and he makes sure that it is always up to date. He sticks a picture of Jared and himself in one of the pages and he touches it with his fingers, not really knowing what words he can use to express just how he feels.

In the end, he writes just one word, one word that expresses everything he feels about Jared.

The word is simple, the word is _HOME_

****

Jensen is waiting outside the pet store. He can see Jared inside, cleaning out the cages and locking them for the night. He is excited because they are going to take Tiny for a walk when they get home and it is Jensen’s favorite part of the day.

The man sneaks up on him without him even seeing. One minute he is on his own, the next he isn’t. Jensen turns round and sees the red-eyes and scratchy, bearded chin; he smells the strong scent of alcohol, the stink of sweat and something else he doesn’t recognize.

“Hello retard.” Jared’s dad leans in close and Jensen looks, desperately, for the cop who should be close by. Jared’s dad’s face is close to his and he feels something cold and sharp against his neck. He swallows, hard, and opens his mouth to scream out.

“If you make a sound I will gut you like a fish,” the man’s voice is hoarse, hate filled, and Jensen feels his legs go weak. He wants to push at Jared’s dad’s chest and he tries to bring his hands up. Jared’s dad clasps one big hand over Jensen’s wrist and keeps the other up near his throat, the sharp, cold thing pressed against his Adam’s apple.

“Jensen?” Jared comes out of the store suddenly and he freezes as he sees his dad with a knife against Jensen’s throat. Jensen is pale and shaking and his dad looks like he is a cat who has just eaten cream.

“Hello son,” he says with a grin.

Jared doesn’t think at all. He just rushes forward and knocks his dad away. His dad growls and pulls the knife down Jensen’s arm making the other man cry out in pain and fear. That cry is what breaks Jared and he grips his dad hard around the throat with one big hand, knocking the knife out of his other hand, twisting the wrist so hard he feels the bones crack under his fingers.

His dad makes a funny noise. His eyes are bulging and his face is purple. He croaks at Jared through blue lips but Jared doesn’t hear, he keeps squeezing, both hands, unable to let go, his body tense and coiled, his fingers gripping and gripping.

Jensen cries out and, suddenly, there are cops everywhere. Jared can see that Jensen has blood on his arm, his shirt is ripped and his face is white. Someone has called a paramedic because one bursts through the crowd and grabs Jensen, laying him down gently and trying to calm him. Jared feels strong arms on his shoulders and hears a voice in his ear. He gulps and his hands suddenly let go, his dad falling to the floor, red-eyes staring up at Jared accusingly, mouth open, tongue hanging between lax lips.

“Jensen?” Jared tries to turn in those strong arms but they hold him fast. A cop, big and broad, shushes him.

“He’s okay, son, but you have to calm down do you understand? You have to let the medics do their job and you have to come with us.”

“I want to go home,” Jared says and the cop looks at him with pity-filled eyes.

“Soon son,” is all he says.

***

Donna Ackles is torn. Her son is in the hospital and Jared is in custody at the local precinct. She sits in her car for a long time, her head resting on the steering wheel, tears pouring hotly down her face. She bites her lip then and wipes the tears away angrily, then she drives to the hospital to see her son.

Jensen is in the recovery ward. He is white faced and has been sick. Green eyes gaze at her, fuzzy with painkillers and confusion. His arm has been stitched up and bandaged and is in a sling against his chest. He looks at her and gulps back a sob.

“Jared,” he mumbles. “Momma, I want Jared.”

She moves forward and hugs him. Holding him close and tight. He is big and broad in her arms, a man now, not a little boy. She hadn’t noticed him grow; she had always tried to keep him near and safe. He had so wanted to be an independent man, to strike out on his own. Now she wonders if he ever will, if life is so cruel that it would do this to an innocent man, who has never hurt a soul in his life.

“I have to go and see him,” she explains, slowly.

“Will he come home?” Jensen has a one-track mind, she can hear the desperation in his voice. “I want him to come home.”

“I’ll do my best,” she says.

***

They have been kind enough not to put Jared in a cell. Instead, he sits in the interview room, curled in on himself, looking impossibly small, incredibly young. His tip-tilted eyes flicker up as she enters and he lets out a small sob, his whole body shaking.

“I didn’t mean to do it,” he whispers, his hands coming up to tug at his hair. “He hurt Jensen – he hurt Jensen.”

“Jensen is okay.” She let her hand stroke across soft chestnut hair, her fingers tangling in the curls. “He is alright, Jared. You saved him.”

“I want to come home.” Jared gazes at her as if she has all the answers. “Please let me come home.”

“Oh Jared.” She breaks then and pulls him close, rubbing her chin over his head, her own tears blinding her. “My poor little boy.”

***

“Not tonight.” The cop looks regretful, guilty. “We need to keep him in for questioning and for a medical examination. He will need counseling too.” He smiles, wryly; “There is no question of us pressing charges. Don’t tell anyone I said this but the bastard got what was coming to him. He should have never been let out into the world again. The system failed – failed your son and failed that poor boy in there. Tomorrow you can come and take him home,” he sighed. “I promise.”

She hates leaving Jared, hates to see that large frame crumble, hates the tears that fall uncontrollably. "Tomorrow," she whispers as she leaves, unable to bare the pain in his eyes. “Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.”

Jensen is so quiet she thinks he might be in shock. He goes straight to his room, his face buried in the dog’s soft fur. She stands in the doorway for a long time and then she leaves him.

The most painful thing of all is his journal. Unopened, no words written on today’s blank page, nothing inside for her to understand just what is going through her son’s mind.

She lifts it up and finds an empty page. Her handwriting is wobbly, the ink tear-stained and smudged. She bites the pen top, trying to sum up how she feels her mind unable to shake off what has happened.

 _Tomorrow,_ she writes, _Jared is coming home. Everything will look better tomorrow._

She only hopes she is right.

****

Jensen stands outside Jared’s room and knocks, tentatively, his knuckles barely grazing the wood. There is silence and Jensen bites his lip hard, his eyes watering a little, hot pain in the back of his throat.

Ever since his momma brought Jared home from the precinct a few days back he has been hiding in his room, not talking to anyone, just sitting on his bed. His momma has been really upset, she is unable to get Jared to eat anything other than a bowl of soup and she is worrying. Jensen is worrying too. He wants his Jared back, HIS Jared and he wants him now.

Without pause, he puts his hand on the door handle and twists it. It opens with a creak and Jensen shuffles into the bedroom. It is dark inside, the sun blocked out by heavy curtains. There is a lump in the bed and Jensen knows it is Jared.

“Hey.” He moves closer and sees that Jared’s bare feet are sticking out of the covers. Jensen notices that the soles of the feet are dusty looking and he reaches out a finger and brushes it across Jared’s left foot, wondering if he will get a reaction.

Jared shudders, just a little and Jensen smiles a bit and leans closer. He can feel Jared’s foot against his fingers, all cold and rigid. Jensen massages the heel slowly and then moves up to the pad rubbing gently, feeling Jared’s foot go limp and warm in his hand. He moves a little closer and does the same with the other foot. Then he tips back the covers and lets his fingers play over Jared’s calve, rubbing the muscle there, feeling it tense and relax under his ministrations. He hears Jared’s breath hitch and feels him shift, rolling over in the bed so that Jensen can see bright eyes watching him in the semi-darkness.

He moves up Jared’s shins and to his thighs. Jared gives a little hiss then and tries to move away. Jensen holds him firm with big, broad hands and Jared makes a noise like a gulp.

“Jared,” Jensen risks saying his name now, soft and firm. “Jared.”

Jared sits up then and Jensen feels his thighs tense beneath his hands. Jared’s face is pale in the darkness, his long hair messy and greasy. Slanting eyes look red and tear-stained, his mouth turned down instead of up.

“I’ve missed you,” Jensen says, honest. “I’ve missed you so much and I think it is time you got out of bed and . . . .” He sniffs, exaggerated. “And had a bath.”

Jared’s breath hitches again and he moves a little more so that Jensen can see his chest and shoulders now. He stares at Jensen, his Adam’s apple moving up and down as he swallows.

“I killed my dad,” Jared’s voice doesn’t sound like him at all. “Jensen, I killed my dad.”

“I know,” Jensen’s voice hitches too. His momma had told him what had happened, his momma had told him what Jared had done, but here, laid out in black and white, it makes Jensen’s stomach hurt.

“I didn’t mean to,” Jared is talking again, his voice wavering. “He hurt you,” he says. “He made you bleed.”

“I’m okay now,” Jensen says, eagerly. He pulls up his sleeve and shows Jared the bandage. There are stitches underneath but the doctors told him that they would dissolve away, that they would vanish. It doesn’t even hurt anymore.

“Oh God, Jensen.” Jared gives another gulp and then sort of collapses in on himself, his chin on his chest. Jensen hears him breathing hard and then he sees Jared’s shoulders shaking, his chest heaving and he moves quickly, wrapping his arms around Jared and clinging tight so tight.

Jared weeps and Jensen holds him. It is all he can do right now, all he can do to comfort Jared, to make his Jared feel better.

Jensen wants to be sorry; he wants to be sorry that Jared’s dad is dead. He is sorry that Jared is hurting, but he can’t, he just can’t be sorry that Jared’s dad is out of their lives, out of their lives forever. He feels selfish and bad, but now they can get on with their lives, they can finally get on with their lives and have their apartment and be happy, they can be happy.

So he holds Jared tight and tight and he lets him cry and cry until his shoulder is wet and his arms are aching. He holds Jared and lets him cry with anger, with sorrow, with guilt. He holds Jared because he can, because he loves him and because he knows that Jared loves him too and that, eventually, they will be all right, every thing will be all right.

***

Jared opens sticky eyes to find Jensen curled up next to him, his hand resting lightly on Jared’s hips. Jared can feel his throat tight and hot, but his chest isn’t hurting so much anymore and he feels a little better, a little able to face the world.

Jensen gives a little groan and Jared strokes a big hand down his spine. Jensen murmurs something and his lashes rise. Big green eyes stare at Jared and Jensen smiles, wide and genuine.

“Are you feeling better?” Jensen sits up and rests his head on Jared’s shoulder. Jared nods, swallowing hard. He puts his arm round Jensen and pulls him closer.

“Yeah, thanks to you.” Jensen looks proud and Jared feels his stomach clench with love. He has never had a love like this before and he almost let it go, he almost let it go because of his dad.

His dad was dead. There would be no bringing him back. Jared wasn’t in trouble for what he had done but he could never forget it. All he could do was put it behind him and look forward, look forward to the life he and Jensen could now have, the life they had fought so hard for.

“Lets go down,” he said, softly. “Your momma will be worried.”

***

That night Jensen pulled out his journal and wrote eagerly. He was excited and happy and the future stretched out before him.

_My Jared is back, _he wrote. _We are going to find our apartment now. We are going to be happy.___

__Underneath, Jared had drawn a rough red heart and written Jensen’s name inside._ _

____

He didn’t have to say anymore, it was enough and Jensen held the journal against his chest, clutching it to him happily. 

They were going to be alright.

****

Donna takes the letter to Jared with some trepidation. It looks awfully official and she is afraid that the boy cannot take anymore. It is only down to Jensen’s care and attention these past few weeks that he is functioning at all, and he doesn’t need anything else to upset him.

Jared looks up as Donna enters the room. He is lying on the bed with Tiny on his chest. The dog is huge now and almost envelopes Jared with his large, black body. Jensen lies beside Jared, stroking Tiny and he smiles at her, his big green eyes innocent and trusting.

“You have a letter Jared,” Donna says and she hands him the envelope. Jared stares at it, turning it over in his hands. He sits up, pushing Tiny off him gently.

“You read it,” he says, face flushing. “I don’t read too well.”

She smiles at him with some sympathy and he smiles back, watching as she opens the envelope and takes out the sheets of paper inside. Jared’s stomach hurts and he feels sick. He is sure that this is something to do with his dad and he wants to cry. He feels Jensen’s warm hand on his arm and he snuggles closer to Jensen.

Donna stares at the letter for a long time. Then she clears her throat.

“Jared – this is from a solicitor. Do you know what one of those is?”

“Sure.” His cheeks flush pink and his eyes flash at her. She feels guilty for asking him, he can see it in her eyes and he grins sheepishly, just a touch of dimple. “I-I – my dad saw one once, after mom died.”

“It appears that your dad did not leave a will and as his only living relative all his belongings, his property, his house and the apartments, they all belong to you now.”

“What?” Jared feels his throat close and his mouth goes dry. Beside him, Jensen starts to shake, his eyes on Jared’s face. “What does this mean?”

“It means, dear, that you are a very rich young man. Your father owned the apartment block where you used to work and he also owned the house you lived in. Those properties alone are worth a lot of money.”

“Does this mean that – that Jensen and me – that we could get our own apartment now?” Jared’s heart is pounding with excitement now and he hugs Jensen closer, warmth spreading through him.

“My sweet boy,” Donna laughs then and she feels her heart swell at the hope in Jared’s eyes. “It means that you and Jensen could have a hundred apartments if you wanted to. You are rich, Jared and no one deserves it more.”

***

Sam looked at him sadly. She shook his hand and thanked him for all his hard work.

“I’m sorry that you are leaving,” she said, hugging him. “I have loved having you working here.”

“I don’t wanna go,” Jared swallowed back tears. “But I have to look after Jensen now. We are gonna have our own house, our own place and he needs me.” He wiped angrily at his cheek with the back of his hand. “But I’ll come and visit and so will Tiny – although I guess he isn’t so tiny anymore.”

***

Donna helped Jared to advertise and sell both his house and the apartments. He wanted to give her and Alan some money but she refused.

“All I ever wanted in life was for Jensen to be happy and he is,” she said. “You don’t owe me anything, Jared. You are like another son to me now and all I want is for you both to live a long and peaceful life. You deserve it.”

***

Jensen lay in his bed, trying to imagine what sort of place he and Jared would have. He was so excited he couldn’t sleep and he was tossing and turning. He couldn’t even write in his journal because he couldn’t even find the words to describe how he felt. He was going to live with Jared, they were going to be together forever and it was all he had ever wanted or needed.

He felt the bed dip and realized that Jared had gotten in with him. He giggled and turned over so that he was lying on his side. Jared’s eyes were big and bright in the moonlight and he smiled at Jensen, his teeth white.

“Do you wanna…?” Jared began and he pushed Jensen back over onto his back, kissing his chest and pulling down his pyjama pants so that he could stroke and caress his erection.

Jensen sighed and bucked into Jared’s hand. It was so nice to do this again, so nice to feel Jared’s hand on him, feel Jared’s mouth on his chest. His stomach hurt and his thighs were trembling. Jared shushed him and put his mouth close to Jensen’s ear.

“You did this for me once,” he whispered. “Now let me do this for you.”

He mouthed his way down Jensen’s chest and across his stomach. Jensen was shaking hard and he couldn’t stop it. The feel of Jared’s mouth on him was nice, it tickled and he could feel Jared’s soft stubble rub against his groin. He opened his legs and gasped loudly as Jared suddenly enveloped his cock with his lips, his tongue licking at Jensen’s hardness.

“Oh,” Jensen moaned. He had read about this in books and he had liked doing it to Jared but this, this was better than words. He couldn’t move, only buck his hips slightly, the pain in his stomach becoming intense pleasure. He had never thought he could have this, never thought he could feel like this. He wasn’t _stupid Jensen_ anymore, he was Jensen, he was _Jared’s Jensen._

He came with a whimper and Jared swallowed him down, shushing him and stroking him through it. Jensen’s head was spinning and he suddenly felt really, really tired. Jared grinned at him and shuffled up the bed to lie beside him, pulling his head down onto his broad chest and stroking the soft spikes of his hair.

“I love you,” Jared murmured and Jensen sighed, moving closer into that warm, familiar embrace.

“I love you too,” he said, with a yawn and Jared’s rumbling laugh was the last thing he remembered.

***

The house was perfect.

It had a huge garden with room for Tiny to play in and a big patch where Jensen could grow flowers and vegetables. Inside it was huge with bright coloured walls and wooden floors, a sparkling new kitchen and cupboards ready to fill with all of Jared’s favourite foods.

Jensen placed the new red eggcups on shelf and stood back to admire them. Behind him, Jared put the plant in the red and black spotted pot on the windowsill and Jensen reached out to stroke its leaves, his mouth curving upwards.

The bed was huge and his momma had given them a patchwork quilt to cover it. Tiny had a basket to sleep in but now he lay on the bed, curled up into a huge ball, snoring and dreaming doggy dreams.

Jensen kept running from room to room, unable to contain his excitement. Jared had shown him the piece of paper with his name on and with Jared’s name on it too. It meant that the house was theirs, that they could live here forever and that they never had to leave.

Jared sat at the kitchen table. He looked healthy and tanned his skin unmarked, no bruises or cuts. He was smiling, his dimples deep, his teeth white and bright. He watched as Jensen cooked eggs, watched as he put them into the eggcups and placed them on the table, next to the thick buttered bread.

“I have a present for you.” Jared reached into a brown paper bag and took out a leather bound book. It smelled nice, like Jared’s jacket, and it had a lot of blank, white pages. There was a really nice pen as well attached to the book by a piece of string and on the front of the book, in red writing were letters that read.

_Jensen & Jared’s Journal_

“I thought you could write about our new house,” Jared said as Jensen threw himself at him and wrapped big arms around his waist, burying his head into Jared’s chest. “Write about all the fun we are gonna have here, about the flowers we are gonna grow and the vegetables that we are gonna have with our meals.”

Jensen nodded. He opened the journal and sat down next to Jared, biting the pen and staring at the blank page, trying to find the words.

“Just put, that, this is the first day of the rest of our lives,” Jared said, gently. “That this is our future now, yours and mine and that no one, no one is ever gonna make us unhappy again.”

Jensen grinned and he put the pen to paper. When he had finished he sat back and pushed it towards Jared, watching as the younger man read what he had written, flushing pink as Jared wiped a hand across his face, his smile a little wobbly.

When Jared kissed him and carried him up to bed, Jensen knew he had made the right choice of words and he thought of the journal that lay on the table and the wobbly writing that said everything that he had ever wanted to say.

_JARED & JENSEN FOREVER._

The End 


End file.
